.
.
 Notes
on "Keep busy with lots of productive activities ..."
-
These activities can be any of the get-up-and-get-going activities of socializing,
sports, hiking, volunteering, etc. The individual activities do not matter:
that is, there is no evidence that tennis is better at making people happy
than is ice skating, for example. What is important is the "something in
which to be engaged." It helps us to focus on something beyond our troubles.
Of course, when done with others, it brings an important social component;
and the exercise component can only help with general health and fitness.
When you can add meaningfulness and purpose, you amplify the effect.
.
.
Notes
on "Social interaction provides what is perhaps the most important activity
leading to increased happiness ..."
-
Social interaction, as an activity, shares the "perhaps most important"
designation with Optimism as an attitude or mindset. These
two happiness assets are often seen to contribute more to increased happiness
than do other attitudes and/or activities. Thus, they are listed together
at the top of many lists of ways to increase happiness.
-
Having a rewarding love-relationship can be an important part of social
interaction, of course. It is the number 1 happiness asset for most everyone
according to many researchers. As such, it may be well worth the effort
to find, or (if you already have it) to enhance and preserve.
-
Where social interaction is available, and especially when people find
it comfortable and rewarding, then when one knows how important it can
be, this can be a very enjoyable way to create a happy mood at the moment,
and to increase one's general level of happiness over the longer term.
Social interaction is a great activity in which to practice the Eighth
Fundamental of Dr. Fordyce, "Present-Orientation."
By itself, the latter is an aid to achieving greater happiness.
-
One of the difficulties of some unhappy people, of course, is that social
interaction is neither comfortable nor rewarding. They often feel that
they make more enemies than friends with their efforts to interact socially.
They often withdraw and isolate themselves socially as a result. In these
cases, one can just focus more on other methods, particularly optimism
and positive thinking (see note below) which
are also a very important happiness assets (and can be pursued even if
one is completely alone). Happily (sorry, pun intended), once some higher
level of general happiness is gained, many of these people will find that
their social skills will also improve, leaving them free to pursue increased
social interaction, perhaps starting with some of the more cautious approaches.
.
.
Notes
on "Practice regular meditation, ..." ...
-
There are many forms of meditation. In its simplest form, we find a quiet
place, sit comfortably and close our eyes.
-
We focus on reciting some mantra such as "the bubbling brook runs onward,"
or simply pay attention to our breathing. Anything peaceful will do.
-
The focus item itself is unimportant; the idea here is to have something
to focus on, and to come back to as other thoughts melt away.
-
When these other thoughts come, we neither resist them nor encourage them.
We just take note of them, and let them fade.
-
Momentary focus on our mantra or our breathing help in stilling our minds.
-
The idea is for your conscious mind to be focusing on itself (or its own
agenda) or on some inner sources.
-
As the activities of the world around us fade, and this consciousness of
self ascends, inner peace, joy and happiness come to the fore.
-
Everyone experiences something different. But virtually all report greater
peace and serenity, lowered stress levels, etc., both during their meditation
sessions and afterward.
-
Find a method that suits you; and make it a regular part of your daily
routine. Marci Shimoff (above) says that meditation,
more than any other single practice brought inner happiness and joy into
her life.
-
Many Internet-based and other sources for beginners are freely available.
.
.
Notes
on "Regulate your appetites and passions (and even your perfectionism)."
...
-
Some people suffer from perfectionism and do not know it. They have high
standards; but they do not have sufficient exposure to the situations of
others to recognize the perfectionism in their high standards. High standards
are often a very good idea; sometimes they are essential. But if they are
unrealistic, unattainable or unnecessary, they serve only to keep these
people from enjoying the fulfilling satisfaction of doing something very
well, or delivering an excellent result in the grand scheme of things (and
compared to what many others accomplish). By acknowledging their perfectionism,
they can regain the satisfaction of a job well done, and temper their rigid
and over-idealized goals, sometimes without even taming the perfectionism
by much. When perfection is the only goal sought after, anything less is
often then viewed as failure. The silver medal winner is the second best
at something in the whole world. How can that realistically (or profitably)
be viewed as failure?
-
There is another component here, too: be content with what you have (or
can get). Don't be cynical or sarcastic about it. Rather, look for the
good (even the delightful) in what is present or achievable, rather than
what is missing or impossible for you to achieve. Then, be thankful for
it, enjoy it and derive happiness from it. The happiness benefit comes
only from how you look at it. There is no work or effort about it at all.
-
See also the 6th Fundamental of Fordyce (above),
Lower
Your Expectations & Aspirations (with comments on the pitfalls
of goal-based happiness). He acknowledges that it is controversial; yet
he offers some very compelling evidence from his research and that of others.
Don't let your expectations get in the way of enjoying life for what it
is
just now.
.
.
Notes
on "Be thankful and grateful for, and content with what you have." ...
-
When you are thinking "I feel so angry I can't think of a single thing
to be thankful for" or "My life is a cesspool" find some glimmer of brightness
somewhere in the day. The sun shone, somebody smiled, it didn't snow (or
it didn't snow that much), the bus did not run over me at the stop,
I was able to sit erect for breakfast, modern medical technology is wonderful,
watching a waterfall is so restful, the birds are singing outside my window,
the cedar forest smells so good, I am free to choose what I think about,
my youngster looks so peaceful when he's asleep, that baby kitten is so
cute, ... ... The list is endless. You will be surprised that when you
find a single thing that was positive or helpful, your brain will start
to think of others much more easily. And some will be humorous, which itself
will help. Soon you will fill the page. This allows you to go to sleep
on a more positive note.
.
-
This "attitude of gratitude" can become infectious. You may find yourself
wanting to get into that "counting my blessings" frame of mind. Not only
does it make you feel better at the moment, but it is also healing you
and helping you along the road to more frequent and longer-lasting happiness.
Here are a very few example blessings you may want to think about (in case
you need help getting started): family, music, sunrises,
sunsets, rain, health, medicine (medical technology, know-how) food, TV,
personal computers, indoor plumbing, transportation, central heat, the
Internet, reading/writing/arithmetic (public education and personal learning),
democracy, freedom, freedom to think/act/believe, microwave ovens, telephones,
warm house/clothes/bed, photography, roads/sidewalks, tools and knowing
how to use them, pets and other animals, soil and growing things, national
defense and police forces, employment, voluntary service, seeing, hearing,
touching, laughing, walking, ... ...
.
-
In these practices (forgiveness, goodwill and loving kindness, as with
many of the others) you are not changing any of the reality you are facing,
you are just changing your focus. Some people are simply not able to have
any pleasant thoughts about some events or people. The suggestion here
is to focus these concepts and practices first toward yourself, then on
members of your family and close friends. With these groups you will often
be more successful. Then, as you feel better, focus on acquaintances, neighbors,
humanity in general, and finally extend these thoughts to your enemies
when you feel ready.
-
If you cannot muster personal contact, think in a kindly and loving way
about somebody you like, or an event that was pleasant, then expand to
others.
-
Say a prayer in their behalf, express gratitude, and request a divine blessing
if you are spiritually inclined.
-
Remember that you are not condoning the bad actions of your enemies, letting
them off in any sense, or even thinking about letting them
back into your life. You are just "letting go" [see also
the notes on the "Let go of ... baggage" item]
to help yourself.
.
-
The Happy for No Reason workbook (link above)
contains headings and helpful exercises on all these practices.
.
.
Notes
on "For those who are faith inspired, ..."
-
These faith-inspired and spiritually-centered beliefs and practices are
very powerful; but it apparently does not matter what they are in detail.
It is the strength with which they are held that makes them effective in
helping people feel the happiness they are seeking. The point here is that
although research does not point to any specific beliefs as being more
helpful than others; searching out, learning about and practicing your
deeply-held beliefs has great potential to help you to achieve greater
happiness. Joining a study group at your church, mosque, temple, mandir,
synagogue or other meeting house can be a big help with these questions;
and the social interaction and new friendships can only be helpful in your
happiness quest also.
.
.
Notes
on "Optimism ... may be the most important attitude leading to increased
happiness. ..."
-
Optimism as an attitude or mindset, shares the "perhaps most
important" designation with Social interaction, as an activity.
These two happiness assets are often seen to contribute more to increased
happiness than do other attitudes and/or activities. Thus, they are listed
together at the top of many lists of ways to increase happiness.
-
The faith-inspired may find it helpful to think: God is not sending/allowing
things against me; He is sending/allowing things for me (or
for my good). God can make even something bad work out for your good. If
you spend your time thinking about the good side, you will feel happier
overall (even though neither the pain nor the outcome may be changed).
.
.
Notes
on "Let go of unhelpful worries/fears/regrets/past hurts/recriminations/low
self-image and other baggage. ..."
-
This "letting go" can be crucial for many unhappy people. These unhelpful
practices can be the principal reason that greater happiness does not come
easily. One of the main ideas here is that if you fight with these baggage
items or actively detest them, or rail {complain bitterly} against them
in trying to get rid of them, it seems only to make them stick better.
You will be pleasantly surprised by the effectiveness of just letting them
go. The Sedona method
(which is also selling lots of related items) suggests you start with just
deciding to drop the unhelpful ideas/emotions:
-
Deciding to Drop It (from their article "The
First Four Ways of Letting Go").
.
Pick up a pen, a pencil, or some small
object that you would be willing to drop without giving it a second thought.
.
Now, hold the object in front of you
and really grip it tightly. Pretend this is one of your limiting feelings
and that your hand represents your gut or your consciousness. If you held
the object long enough, this would start to feel uncomfortable yet familiar.
.
Now, open your hand and roll the object
around in it. Notice that you are the one holding on to it; it is not attached
to your hand. The same is true with your feelings. Your feelings are as
attached to you as this object is attached to your hand.
.
We hold on to our feelings and forget
that we are holding on to them. It’s even in our language. When we feel
angry or sad, we don’t usually say, “I feel angry,” or “I feel sad.” We
say, “I am angry,” or “I am sad.” Without realizing it, we
are misidentifying that we are the feeling. Often, we believe a feeling
is holding on to us. This is not true … we are always in control and just
don’t know it.
.
Now, let the object go.
.
What happened? You let go of the object,
and it dropped to the floor. Was that hard? Of course not. That’s what
we mean when we say, “Let go or ‘release'.”
.
You can do the same thing with any
emotion: choose to let it go.
-
In this process of "letting go" you rid yourself of the unhelpful baggage
much more effectively than if you rail against it. They also suggest that
when you experience an unhelpful emotion that you let it "settle" in some
sense (be sure of how you are feeling), and then ask yourself some simple
questions:
-
Could I let this feeling go?
It does not even matter whether you answer yes or no (but "no" may help
you know how badly you want to be rid of it).
-
Would I let this feeling go?
Are you willing to be done with it? You may even be eager to let it go.
Just don't rail against it.
-
When? This is an
invitation to answer "right now." But if not now, then maybe you will feel
more like it later.
-
At any rate, if you are ready, just let the unhelpful feeling or emotion
go while visualizing the pen from the prior example falling to the floor.
It took no effort beyond maybe tipping your hand slightly so it could roll
off of its own accord. Here you are using your choice to just let it go.
And you calmly begin thinking of other things. It may be helpful for some
people to have a favorite positive/enjoyable subject to which to turn their
attention. The point is that this gentle process allows you to become the
manager of your thoughts and attitudes, allowing the baggage to just fall
away. Repeat these steps whenever the old (or other) baggage returns to
the stage of your mind. In a short time you will find it fading into the
past while the new happier mindset takes its place.
-
You may be pleased to see how much more effective this method is than your
prior angry response to the old recurring baggage.
.
.
Notes
on "Avoid what leads to unhappiness ..."
-
As Shimoff mentions in "Happiness for No Reason" (above)
your happiness is already inside you, and will be manifest as soon as you
stop the activities, attitudes and practices which are keeping it hidden
and ineffective. As such, you don't have to start doing anything
new; all you have to do is to stop keeping your happiness back.
This can be a great boon to those who are too burned out to work much at
all on anything, and especially to those unaware that they are keeping
their innate happiness from helping them to feel better.
.
.
Notes
on "xx ..." <future, to come> ...
.
|
Table of Contents for this page:
Joel
Osteen, is the pastor at Christian nondenominational Lakewood
Church in Houston. Larry King called him "the good news guy" and (to
Joel and His wife Victoria, who were together on the same program, 20 June
2005), "You're going to win the award as the happiest people ever to be
on this program." Osteen has written several books about self-improvement,
encouragement and inspiration that have been very well received. An early
book, "Your Best Life Now" has a chapter "Choose to Be Happy." Some
more current titles are "Position Yourself for Greatness," "Live Like
a Champion," "Letting Go of the Past" and "Become a Better You:
7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day."
You
can hardly help from feeling better after listening to Joel for even a
short time.
More]
links to more detail/options, if needed/desired.